"That Russian kid..."

I can't tell you how many conversations I've heard this week that have started with "That Russian kid...?", which is usually followed by, "Is he a RAD kid?"

Yes, that's exactly what the upcoming movie The Boarder is all about. The young boy recently making the news worldwide demonstrates all the classic signs of being a highly disturbed child with Reactive Attachment Disorder, which brings with it all sorts of predictable but highly misunderstood situations.

When we don't understand what's happening to a child, as in this sad case, we tend to blame the mother or the parents. We naturally think they shoulda done this or they shoulda done that, but mostly we think those parents just didn't love that child enough. Or, as in this case, that the mother didn't try long enough.

One of the problems with adoptions from many parts of the world, including Russia and Romania, are the terrible conditions and questionable practices of orphanages caring for children in those poor countries. I know of cases where Romanian children laid ignored in orphanage cribs well into their 6th year of life, often taking their porage from bottles and then suddenly adopted by "rich" American couples.

Imagine the shock to little, undeveloped systems to get out of bed (literally) in time to walk out the door with people they've never seen before who speak a language they don't understand to fly to America. Because of their impoverished start they don't know how to play or eat or potty normally. And they certainly don't know anything about human interaction, trust or love. In other words, the entire set-up is a perfect combination for failure by everyone involved.

So try to imagine this situation if you can: you have given a home to a needy child, a beautiful waif who by his very presence tugs at your mama or papa heartstrings. You clean them up, give them a new life with all the trappings - enough food, a bed, toys, siblings and parents who have a proven track record for loving children far beyond reason.

Sure, it goes well for a while because everyone is on their best behavior and want this placement to be a success. But then, without notice something happens, there are suddenly cracks in the child's pleasant, smiling facade. Now, for some reason he won't mind, becomes sneaky, you start finding valuable items missing and he's convinced the entire neighborhood, with the blink of an adorable eye, that YOU are the devil incarnate. What???

And the harder you try your tried-and-true parenting skills the worse he seems to get. Then you find you're in this alone because your spouse, parents, neighbors, and church friends pour LOVE, LOVE, LOVE on this child while you are being secretly terrorized by the child in the privacy of your own home. Oh, yeah, and then you find a note containing detailed plans of how he'll kill your family, but no mention of when. Or your family pet comes up missing or maimed with no obvious cause.

In classic cases like this, and it happens oh, so much more frequently then we can imagine, the mama target and is questioning her sanity alone with no one to convince her otherwise.

So, I ask you -- What would YOU do with a child that challenges your every belief, is destroying your family from within, and plans to kill whenever he wants no matter how hard you try to make the situation different?

The truth is, as long as we refuse to look at this situation for what it is, this child - and others like him - cannot be stopped. The Boarder novel and movie are preparing to shed light on this terrible disorder that gets children sent back to Russia, leaves families destroyed and give the press an opportunity to blame all the victims of a terrible disorder.

But there is something you can do. Read, learn about Attachment Disorders (there's more info available within this website) and once you're convinced you can help support projects that are built to help us all out of our collective blindness.

One person can make a difference in the lives of disturbed children and destroyed families, and it begins with you. Please send this on to your contacts so we can all make a difference in the lives of all children who are abandoned or traumatized in their early lives.

Thank you and God bless. Jane Ryan