Hey there,
Kids with attachment disorders, like their stories, are fascinating and compelling. I'm glad you've come back for, as Paul Harvey used to say, the rest of the story...
"I'm not going to give you a daily chronicle of my son’s life, but will share a list of his significant behaviors and his age when I first noticed them. The appearance of certain traits and the date they were noted were usually two different times. Quinn, by his very nature, was quiet and covert. For those of you who are aware of the roles played by children from dysfunctional homes, sadly, a description which well fit my family, he was my “lost child.” Accordingly, he was amazingly sneaky, so we never really knew what he was thinking or doing.
"Most behaviors didn't appear constantly at first, but crept slowly and steadily into his repertoire. Quinn’s IQ tests, the results of which he could manipulate, indicated he was in the gifted range, yet he spoke only occasionally. There was one obvious exception to his reticence. When he wanted something or was “conning” someone, he was most accomp-lished verbally. His younger brother once described pubescent “Q” as someone who could steal a cow pie from the pasture, convince you it was from the sacred cow in India, and then you couldn’t thank him enough for the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity of purchasing it for top dollar! My child was a skilled orator when necessary."
For the next week my visits to this site will be less frequent. I'm so excited because tomorrow the cinematographer for 'The Boarder,' Carmen Cabana from LA will arrive and we'll have a solid week for pre-production activities. Much of the planning will take place in Ravenna, Nebraska, so be sure to say hi when you see us around town checking out sites for the upcoming filming.
Have a great week and I'll be back. Blessings to you. Jane
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
"...then he was off and running."
Dear Readers,
Are you hanging in there with me? I'd love to hear from you if you are. The Prologue from BSLS is long, but since it provides the why for 'The Boarder' it might be important for someone with little previous experience with attachment disorders. Please read on...
"By the time Quinn joined our family, I had two other children, 3 and 2, from the same agency during a time when placement of more than one child per family was unheard of. I was a stay-at-home mother who was determined to go to any length to keep my children happy. Besides, I did not want to disappoint the social worker.
"Then, one month after Quinn came home, I became pregnant. I carried my little one around with me for almost the entire pregnancy since my plan was to keep “Q” as close to me for as long as possible. I wanted to make up for any lapses in attention that might have occurred while he waited to join my family.
"But, a month before the birth, my pediatrician told me Quinn needed to get off my hip and practice living the life of a ground dweller. He was thirteen months old and did not take that quietly. He shrieked for five days, then he was off and running."
Are any of you able to recognize any of your children in the words above? If you have troubled children or can relate to me as a parent, I'd love to hear from you. Thank you. Good night.
Jane
Are you hanging in there with me? I'd love to hear from you if you are. The Prologue from BSLS is long, but since it provides the why for 'The Boarder' it might be important for someone with little previous experience with attachment disorders. Please read on...
"By the time Quinn joined our family, I had two other children, 3 and 2, from the same agency during a time when placement of more than one child per family was unheard of. I was a stay-at-home mother who was determined to go to any length to keep my children happy. Besides, I did not want to disappoint the social worker.
"Then, one month after Quinn came home, I became pregnant. I carried my little one around with me for almost the entire pregnancy since my plan was to keep “Q” as close to me for as long as possible. I wanted to make up for any lapses in attention that might have occurred while he waited to join my family.
"But, a month before the birth, my pediatrician told me Quinn needed to get off my hip and practice living the life of a ground dweller. He was thirteen months old and did not take that quietly. He shrieked for five days, then he was off and running."
Are any of you able to recognize any of your children in the words above? If you have troubled children or can relate to me as a parent, I'd love to hear from you. Thank you. Good night.
Jane
Monday, January 18, 2010
"...he seemed to settle into the family."
Dear Readers,
I've missed a little time on here, and instead of sitting at a computer I attended the Martin Luther King, Jr. Memorial Services at the Salem Baptist Church in Omaha. As can be imagined, there was amazing preaching along with a fantastic combined Gospel Choir with well over 1oo voices. Directed by Sister Janet Ashley, the results give a hint of what we might anticipate hearing in Heaven. WoW!
Some of you already know that father (Zeb Williams) in 'The Boarder' is a Baptist minister, and because of that, a gospel choir will take part in the movie. Ms. Janet has been very supportive and is in the process of putting together many of Nebraska's finest singers for the project.
There are some days that the preparatory tasks for 'The Boarder' are too exciting for words, including yesterday eve at the Salem Baptist Church. Along with that, I have my daily tasks, including a continuation of the Prologue from BSLS. Please read on:
"In all fairness to “Q,” there was a short period of time when he seemed to settle into the family. For several months he appeared happy and contented from his perch on my left hip. As an adoptive mother, I could easily have been accused of overdoing for my children. During adolescence, my primary job was that of a babysitter. From fifteen to seventeen, I regularly cared for well over one hundred children and was considered to be the prize sitter on a small military base located in far-off Newfoundland.
"Consequently, my self-esteem was built on my ability to tend and keep children safe in their parents’ absence. In addition, a professional caseworker had given me her “stamp of approval” and recognized my aptitude for being a good parent."
Have a great day. jr
I've missed a little time on here, and instead of sitting at a computer I attended the Martin Luther King, Jr. Memorial Services at the Salem Baptist Church in Omaha. As can be imagined, there was amazing preaching along with a fantastic combined Gospel Choir with well over 1oo voices. Directed by Sister Janet Ashley, the results give a hint of what we might anticipate hearing in Heaven. WoW!
Some of you already know that father (Zeb Williams) in 'The Boarder' is a Baptist minister, and because of that, a gospel choir will take part in the movie. Ms. Janet has been very supportive and is in the process of putting together many of Nebraska's finest singers for the project.
There are some days that the preparatory tasks for 'The Boarder' are too exciting for words, including yesterday eve at the Salem Baptist Church. Along with that, I have my daily tasks, including a continuation of the Prologue from BSLS. Please read on:
"In all fairness to “Q,” there was a short period of time when he seemed to settle into the family. For several months he appeared happy and contented from his perch on my left hip. As an adoptive mother, I could easily have been accused of overdoing for my children. During adolescence, my primary job was that of a babysitter. From fifteen to seventeen, I regularly cared for well over one hundred children and was considered to be the prize sitter on a small military base located in far-off Newfoundland.
"Consequently, my self-esteem was built on my ability to tend and keep children safe in their parents’ absence. In addition, a professional caseworker had given me her “stamp of approval” and recognized my aptitude for being a good parent."
Have a great day. jr
Friday, January 15, 2010
Hooked from the moment I saw him...
Dear Friends-to-Be,
"From the moment I saw him I was hooked. My first memory of Quinn was of his charm. With a look, he could “work” everyone he met. Even at four months he seemed amazingly old, somehow able to read people and to discern his own wants, then get others to do what he wanted without uttering a sound. Like myself, others were fascinated with the volumes he spoke with the snap of his magnificent eyes.
"But all was not peaceful and silent for long. On the first day, when I attempted to change his diaper, he shrieked uncontrollably, arched his back, kicked his legs, and seemed to try to throw himself off the changing table and onto his head. At first I thought I misunderstood his intent, but the message was reconfirmed each time I changed his diaper. I threw myself across him to protect my infant from harm. His shrieks grew louder and I could not console him. It seemed he did not want to be touched. "
Amazingly enough, even after five days on here I already look forward to reaching out and making contact with you. Maybe some of that fills in the gaps that were left from so long ago. I've grown to believe that we all need each other, recognize the need or not, and I'm no exception.
Fortunately my ability to understand how much I need to relate with others has grown along with my ability to trust. Writing on here daily is becoming part of the process, and I thank you for that.
Sweet dreams for tonight. Jane
"From the moment I saw him I was hooked. My first memory of Quinn was of his charm. With a look, he could “work” everyone he met. Even at four months he seemed amazingly old, somehow able to read people and to discern his own wants, then get others to do what he wanted without uttering a sound. Like myself, others were fascinated with the volumes he spoke with the snap of his magnificent eyes.
"But all was not peaceful and silent for long. On the first day, when I attempted to change his diaper, he shrieked uncontrollably, arched his back, kicked his legs, and seemed to try to throw himself off the changing table and onto his head. At first I thought I misunderstood his intent, but the message was reconfirmed each time I changed his diaper. I threw myself across him to protect my infant from harm. His shrieks grew louder and I could not console him. It seemed he did not want to be touched. "
Amazingly enough, even after five days on here I already look forward to reaching out and making contact with you. Maybe some of that fills in the gaps that were left from so long ago. I've grown to believe that we all need each other, recognize the need or not, and I'm no exception.
Fortunately my ability to understand how much I need to relate with others has grown along with my ability to trust. Writing on here daily is becoming part of the process, and I thank you for that.
Sweet dreams for tonight. Jane
Thursday, January 14, 2010
"I keep getting sidetracked..."
Since this 'BSLS' Prologue sets up the whys and wherefors for 'The Boarder, I continue...
"His unusual behaviors? Oh, yes, I keep getting sidetracked with poignant memories of my baby. Although the strange behaviors of children, adolescents and the effects of those characteristics on their families is the focal point of this book, I’m having difficulty getting around to telling you just what happened during Quinn's early life.
"Years ago I was diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), which apparently resulted from sometimes intolerable stress from the life I shared with my child. I don't know if that's true, but I find myself standing on the threshold of my isolated, secret life with a driving notion that I’ve been called to share my story.
"Although I remain fearful that I will be judged and, again, dismissed as just one more kook who fabricated a sad story, I take a deep breath, say a prayer, and begin anyway…"
"His unusual behaviors? Oh, yes, I keep getting sidetracked with poignant memories of my baby. Although the strange behaviors of children, adolescents and the effects of those characteristics on their families is the focal point of this book, I’m having difficulty getting around to telling you just what happened during Quinn's early life.
"Years ago I was diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), which apparently resulted from sometimes intolerable stress from the life I shared with my child. I don't know if that's true, but I find myself standing on the threshold of my isolated, secret life with a driving notion that I’ve been called to share my story.
"Although I remain fearful that I will be judged and, again, dismissed as just one more kook who fabricated a sad story, I take a deep breath, say a prayer, and begin anyway…"
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Prologue from 'Broken Spirits Lost Souls' continues...
"Quinn was unusual from the very first day I brought him home at four months old. He was my littlest baby and a pleasure to carry because of his diminutive stature. He hadn’t been premature, just the product of two shorter than average parents. He had a cap of black curls, honey brown skin, and huge black, sparkling, commanding eyes.
"He had been stuck in legal limbo for several months, released for adoption by his birth mother but still waiting for a final decision from the birth father. Just prior to his birth, state adoption laws had changed requiring a decision from both biological parents to keep their newborns or to relinquish them for adoption. The final choice needed to be made before the infants were available to be placed with a waiting family.
"So, during the required wait, my son was placed in a parochial “foundling home” and cared for by older, retired religious women. I was told he had been assigned a surrogate mother that served as his primary caretaker for the first four months of life. Although I had concerns about the emotional effects of a prolonged wait on Quinn, I actually had no say in the process. I was just the excited, expectant mother waiting for the phone call telling me my third child was ready to come home."
"Quinn was unusual from the very first day I brought him home at four months old. He was my littlest baby and a pleasure to carry because of his diminutive stature. He hadn’t been premature, just the product of two shorter than average parents. He had a cap of black curls, honey brown skin, and huge black, sparkling, commanding eyes.
"He had been stuck in legal limbo for several months, released for adoption by his birth mother but still waiting for a final decision from the birth father. Just prior to his birth, state adoption laws had changed requiring a decision from both biological parents to keep their newborns or to relinquish them for adoption. The final choice needed to be made before the infants were available to be placed with a waiting family.
"So, during the required wait, my son was placed in a parochial “foundling home” and cared for by older, retired religious women. I was told he had been assigned a surrogate mother that served as his primary caretaker for the first four months of life. Although I had concerns about the emotional effects of a prolonged wait on Quinn, I actually had no say in the process. I was just the excited, expectant mother waiting for the phone call telling me my third child was ready to come home."
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
It's been a long journey...
Dear Readers,
It recently dawned on me that my life trip from a totally overwhelmed mom of highly disturbed kids to wake up standing on the threashold preparing to produce a movie about loving children with Reactive Attachment Disorder has taken 38 years. It was that many years ago when I brought home my first child, the one I'd longed for since I was twelve-years-old.
And like many well traveled lives, my path has not been straight. In order to understand what it was in my life that drove me to step out on faith and reach into the great celluloid unknown, I offer you my story which was published as the PROLOGUE in 'Broken Spirits Lost Souls.'
Like the book, getting from there to here takes several pages, and because of that, this will be presented in installments over the next month. Hang in there. We'll soon be on the same page, but for now, another start...
"God help me, and even though I never wanted to be one of 'those parents,' my very first response, was to say, “My kid would never do something like that.” I wanted to deny it and swear on a stack of Bibles, if that is what it took, to convince others of his innocence. But it was my kid who did it; it was almost always my child. He wore his deviousness like a knight’s suit of armor—poised and ready to defend for truth and honor. And for the life of me I can’t remember when he had either."
While I have fun getting to handle pre-production details I wish you a great day! See you later.
Jane
It recently dawned on me that my life trip from a totally overwhelmed mom of highly disturbed kids to wake up standing on the threashold preparing to produce a movie about loving children with Reactive Attachment Disorder has taken 38 years. It was that many years ago when I brought home my first child, the one I'd longed for since I was twelve-years-old.
And like many well traveled lives, my path has not been straight. In order to understand what it was in my life that drove me to step out on faith and reach into the great celluloid unknown, I offer you my story which was published as the PROLOGUE in 'Broken Spirits Lost Souls.'
Like the book, getting from there to here takes several pages, and because of that, this will be presented in installments over the next month. Hang in there. We'll soon be on the same page, but for now, another start...
"God help me, and even though I never wanted to be one of 'those parents,' my very first response, was to say, “My kid would never do something like that.” I wanted to deny it and swear on a stack of Bibles, if that is what it took, to convince others of his innocence. But it was my kid who did it; it was almost always my child. He wore his deviousness like a knight’s suit of armor—poised and ready to defend for truth and honor. And for the life of me I can’t remember when he had either."
While I have fun getting to handle pre-production details I wish you a great day! See you later.
Jane
Monday, January 11, 2010
Getting started...
Dear Reader,
Where, and when for that matter, was always the big question. When I decided to write 'Broken Spirits Lost Souls' I hadn't the faintest idea where to start. I'd learned along the way that asking for an answer or a sign often helped, so I tried it and it worked. Then learning how to write my first screenplay was like going into unchartered Martian territory. Then again, I said my prayers and viola!, the finished product ended up on my computer and looked pretty good for a novice attempt.
Even tho' I'm way into adulthood I don't always mind my elders. I was told to hang on to movie screenplays I'd written until I had 17 (a magic number, or what?!) and only then could I offer them to the world. But I couldn't wait that long and spit my favorite out onto some film festivals and was floored when my first, my baby, 'The Boarder' started gathering honors. Wow, that was so thrilling and just the motivation I needed to get me started thinkin I might make a movie out of it. That was going to happen either right before or right after performing brain surgery on my kitchen table. At least that's what I thought back in 2002.
And by now I've discussed filming 'The Boarder' with anyone who'd listen but I still didn't have a clue what it took to get started. I just didn't know how and couldn't find the right person to do it for me. So imagine my surprise when suddenly - or it appeared sudden to those who weren't in my head - I decided to go for it, to try it, and to do it like I mean it.
That's what this blog is about. It's about growing up and learning to take chances even if/when some might think me foolish. Although these notes are several months behind my current situation, I'll just keep writing and eventually catch you up with how this incredible series of events, a series of miracles, really, has occurred. It's a sensational story, so just stay tuned...
Where, and when for that matter, was always the big question. When I decided to write 'Broken Spirits Lost Souls' I hadn't the faintest idea where to start. I'd learned along the way that asking for an answer or a sign often helped, so I tried it and it worked. Then learning how to write my first screenplay was like going into unchartered Martian territory. Then again, I said my prayers and viola!, the finished product ended up on my computer and looked pretty good for a novice attempt.
Even tho' I'm way into adulthood I don't always mind my elders. I was told to hang on to movie screenplays I'd written until I had 17 (a magic number, or what?!) and only then could I offer them to the world. But I couldn't wait that long and spit my favorite out onto some film festivals and was floored when my first, my baby, 'The Boarder' started gathering honors. Wow, that was so thrilling and just the motivation I needed to get me started thinkin I might make a movie out of it. That was going to happen either right before or right after performing brain surgery on my kitchen table. At least that's what I thought back in 2002.
And by now I've discussed filming 'The Boarder' with anyone who'd listen but I still didn't have a clue what it took to get started. I just didn't know how and couldn't find the right person to do it for me. So imagine my surprise when suddenly - or it appeared sudden to those who weren't in my head - I decided to go for it, to try it, and to do it like I mean it.
That's what this blog is about. It's about growing up and learning to take chances even if/when some might think me foolish. Although these notes are several months behind my current situation, I'll just keep writing and eventually catch you up with how this incredible series of events, a series of miracles, really, has occurred. It's a sensational story, so just stay tuned...
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